Mr. Blog, I have neglected you

I have decided that I need to do much better about sharing things on this. Especially lately.

I'm amazed by our church body. We went to them with the problem the doctor saw with Elijah. We asked for prayers for our appointment on Wednesday the 18. More people came up to me this week and hugged me then ever before in our time here. They shared how much they had been praying for us and Eli and the relief that they felt after the test results showed nothing. I was amazed of the emotion that people felt toward our unborn child without ever meeting them. Some of which really don't know us terribly well.

I was also amazed at how many people dismissed the miracle factor of this whole thing. They were quick to blame the first ultrasound tech and complain of unprofessionalism. Honestly, we don't know what the first test results were numbers wise. When we went to the specialist, they were much more forthcoming with information and we know the specs of everything. So we really have nothing to compare to. Therefore, I feel that this is a miracle from God and that he did answer our prayers (and those of people around the country). There was a part of me who wanted to blame our doctors office and hold on to bitternesss towards them. But we don't know how much fluid was on Eli's brain and how large his ventricles were, therefore, I feel it is unjustified.

I have come to a reality that God wanted us to go through this. Although we pray for our unborn child's health every day, we still needed to trust that God was going to provide it. I'm still trying to figure out all of the lessons that we learned from this. I guess that in nearly a week I'm still processing it all and trying to understand why my faith was so weak when we found out that Eli was sick. It definitely made other things that I thought were important fade away and helped me to not take for granted this pregnancy. I try everyday to find joy in the kicks to the ribs and the pain and swelling that I am experiencing. I love feeling him move inside of me, it reminds me of how God created us.

After we found out that we were having a boy (for sure) I pondered Mary's (the mother) roll in the crucifixion. Not that she was the one who physically put Jesus on the cross, but how hard it would have been to watch her first son suffer and die for all the world so they could be saved. I'm sure that it was hard for her to not be bitter and angry at the sin of others for putting him there. Honestly, I've never thought of this aspect before. Maybe it's because the bible really doesn't put a lot of emphasis on Mary's life after Jesus' death. However, I do feel that Elijah is going to do great things for the Lord. And as hard as it is to say, that could mean sacrificing his life for others to learn more about Jesus.

I will try to be better at writing. I guess this is a start.